Mark Urban Counseling

Admit it. You're terrified. You're not going to make it. You've gone out and you're trying, but deep down, you know that you're not going to make it. You know that it was stupid that you even tried. Look at all the great things that you are saying to yourself. They're self-fulfilling prophecies. You begin to scan the world for all the ways in which you are likely to be failing and the reality is, you are going to find those things. But, here is the thing: you've just got to keep going. Sometimes, you're going to have to pivot. That doesn't mean that you're going to reverse course. It often means tweaking and looking for opportunities. Try not to be too bullheaded. Be open. Be honest. Test and adjust course. Just, "don't take to much counsel of your fears." That just doesn't help that much. I suppose that it was mistake to call this "you're going to fail." The reality is that you are going to "learn." That is the better phrasing with all of this. You are going to stumble along the way, but keep the faith. You've got a vision, then continue to execute on that. If you do that, then you will "learn" how to get there.

My favorite quote is from Aristotle.  The gist is that excellence, ought to be a habit and not an act.  I learned a few years ago, the hard way, that what you repeatedly do is the important thing.  Motivation, being the fickle thing that it is, cannot be relied on. You’ve got to set up your life in such a way as to make yourself happy.  It is also important to know that pretty much the whole world is going to disagree with you about what this looks like.  After all, your boss has been trying to get you back to that 60+ hour work week since the start of 1900s.  Your partner and friends may not want you to do it.  Customers want you 24/7.  What is really important?  Your family?  Your health?  Your purpose?  How does one answer these questions?  It is simple:  your repeated actions reflect your values.  It is that simple. Since the world is going to ask you to do its bidding, you’ll want to think about how to take “no” out of the equation.  If you don’t, you’ll constantly be weighing the pros and cons of what is presented in the moment.  You’ll occasionally make good choices, but you won’t look like any person of integrity. One of my best teachers for this has been working out: my workouts are almost always done at the same time.  Mental health management is because I listen to podcasts/audiobooks the same time every day.  Katy and I schedule dates.  I call my dad the same time every week.  I could go on.  You are what you repeatedly do.  Think very hard about your habits.  This is actually more important than thinking about good choices.  For example, what I do (good) and what I don’t do (bad), aren’t because I’m disciplined.  Those things are because they’re habituated.  I still make bad choices.  We all do.  But, I’ve been tweaking my habits for the better part of a decade.  While everyone likes vacations, I like getting back home to my routines.  They are just that important.  Thoughtfully structure your life and you will structure your happiness.